I offer my sincere apologies for not having posted here for a while. I have been extremely busy looking for a full-time job. As of yet I have not found one, however I am fully confident that I will, and G-d willing, VERY soon. Amen.
But you see, this is already a huge part of today’s topic!
As you all know, I have been sober for some time now, B”H, and the fact that I can even pull myself together, that I even have a brain that works enough to go out and search for work, to even WANT to search for work, is nothing short of a miracle itself!
Many many years ago, when I had my brief stint experimenting with the heavy stuff, drug wise, there were many times each day, when I could have died or even have been killed, and the fact alone that I am not some brain-dead junkie in a gutter somewhere, (which I have mentioned before) let alone have a brain that still functions marvelously, thank G-d, is beyond me.
Today my life is incredibly different in so many ways, naturally.
I work, I am married and we have a son who will be two on August 1st.
The days of staying out all night and partying are long gone, and I don’t even drink any more.
I drink grape juice and not wine for religious ceremonial purposes, and I feel, well, pretty darn fantastic.
You know there comes a point, a developmental stage, which while it naturally occurs in one’s late 20’s to mid 30’s, could potentially happen earlier.
During this stage, an individual, begins to forgive others for either the perceived or real wrongs that those people committed against them. They begin to forgive themselves for the wrongs that they have done. They begin to take ownership in the present moment for the decisions that they make, the decisions that they made, and they start to realize the role that they played in the way others perceived them, while growing up.
This developmental stage, I believe, is the most enlightening and relieving stage that I have ever consciously gone through.
I began to take responsibility for who I was, and for who I wanted to become. I began to say you know what, I am a father now, and I KNOW that I am making many mistakes in the child raising process?
I know that we are all human, and therefore fallible, and if we are normally functioning adults, we know that we do the best that we can, and leave the rest up to a higher power of some kind or another.
We therefore MUST realize that our parents are also human, and fallible, and did the best they could do in raising us.
Did they make mistakes, hell yes!
And did some of those mistakes screw us up for life, until now? Again, hell yes!!! But it is time to take responsibility for our own actions, our own choices, and to stop blaming our pasts for the things that we either do, or do not do today, in our lives.
Yes, I know many people who were violated by adults in their youth. To me, rape is among the top three most vile and despicable acts that one “human” can commit against another. And I am sensitive to the fact that it is an extremely traumatic experience! Believe me I am.
But even for an act such as that, and the ensuing trauma, there are groups, counseling, and we have all of course heard of people taking revenge against the criminal animal who attacked them, G-d forbid.
The point is that we can move on from anything, or we can hold on to anything forever. It is our choice.
Yes granted, some things may seem impossible to overcome emotionally, mentally, physically, but they ARE conquerable! One baby step at a time, G-d willing!
But let us speak for a moment on those who grew up having had fairly normal lives, average, with reasonably “normal” parents.
Again, yes they made mistakes, but did you have a role in how they reacted, was your behavior a factor?
I know mine was.
I was an impossible kid! ADHD, ADD, OCD, and a Generalized Anxiety Disorder!
My grandmother of blessed memory used to say, that I was like a lightning bolt, that I would disappear and reappear just like that!
Do you think having a child like that was east for my parents, quite nearly climbing the walls until I was 16, and began to learn how to control it?
Of course not, and this is precisely the point.
Very few things are black and white, and in fact, usually most things fall into that vast gray area called life.
Look, it is time to grow up, accept responsibility for the parts we played in how our lives have turned out thus far, forgive others for the “crimes” that they have committed against us, presuming they are forgivable (some things are not of course), and move on, leaving behind the past that we have used as a crutch for so very long.
We are adults now, we make our own decisions, and we are responsible for the outcomes of those decisions as well.
So, don’t you think it’s time to move on? I know I do.
Be Well, and Enjoy!