Sobriety is SUCH a Wonderful Thing!!!

Hello all,

I offer my sincere apologies for not having posted here for a while.  I have been extremely busy looking for a full-time job.  As of yet I have not found one, however I am fully confident that I will, and G-d willing, VERY soon. Amen.

But you see, this is already a huge part of today’s topic!

As you all know, I have been sober for some time now, B”H, and the fact that I can even pull myself together, that I even have a brain that works enough to go out and search for work, to even WANT to search for work, is nothing short of a miracle itself!

Many many years ago, when I had my brief stint experimenting with the heavy stuff, drug wise, there were many times each day, when I could have died or even have been killed, and the fact alone that I am not some brain-dead junkie in a gutter somewhere, (which I have mentioned before) let alone have a brain that still functions marvelously, thank G-d, is beyond me.

Today my life is incredibly different in so many ways, naturally.

I work, I am married and we have a son who will be two on August 1st.

The days of staying out all night and partying are long gone, and I don’t even drink any more.

I drink grape juice and not wine for religious ceremonial purposes, and I feel, well, pretty darn fantastic.

You know there comes a point, a developmental stage, which while it naturally occurs in one’s late 20’s to mid 30’s, could potentially happen earlier.

During this stage, an individual, begins to forgive others for either the perceived or real wrongs that those people committed against them.  They begin to forgive themselves for the wrongs that they have done.  They begin to take ownership in the present moment for the decisions that they make, the decisions that they made, and they start to realize the role that they played in the way others perceived them, while growing up.

This developmental stage, I believe, is the most enlightening and relieving stage that I have ever consciously gone through.

I began to take responsibility for who I was, and for who I wanted to become.  I began to say you know what, I am a father now, and I KNOW that I am making many mistakes in the child raising process?

I know that we are all human, and therefore fallible, and if we are normally functioning adults, we know that we do the best that we can, and leave the rest up to a higher power of some kind or another.

We therefore MUST realize that our parents are also human, and fallible, and did the best they could do in raising us.

Did they make mistakes, hell yes!

And did some of those mistakes screw us up for life, until now? Again, hell yes!!! But it is time to take responsibility for our own actions, our own choices, and to stop blaming our pasts for the things that we either do, or do not do today, in our lives.

Yes, I know many people who were violated by adults in their youth.  To me, rape is among the top three most vile and despicable acts that one “human” can commit against another. And I am sensitive to the fact that it is an extremely traumatic experience!  Believe me I am.

But even for an act such as that, and the ensuing trauma, there are groups, counseling, and we have all of course heard of people taking revenge against the criminal animal who attacked them, G-d forbid.

The point is that we can move on from anything, or we can hold on to anything forever.  It is our choice.

Yes granted, some things may seem impossible to overcome emotionally, mentally, physically, but they ARE conquerable!  One baby step at a time, G-d willing!

But let us speak for a moment on those who grew up having had fairly normal lives, average, with reasonably “normal” parents.

Again, yes they made mistakes, but did you have a role in how they reacted, was your behavior a factor?

I know mine was.

I was an impossible kid!  ADHD, ADD, OCD, and a Generalized Anxiety Disorder!

My grandmother of blessed memory used to say, that I was like a lightning bolt, that I would disappear and reappear just like that!

Do you think having a child like that was east for my parents, quite nearly climbing the walls until I was 16, and began to learn how to control it?

Of course not, and this is precisely the point.

Very few things are black and white, and in fact, usually most things fall into that vast gray area called life.

Look, it is time to grow up, accept responsibility for the parts we played in how our lives have turned out thus far, forgive others for the “crimes” that they have committed against us, presuming they are forgivable (some things are not of course), and move on, leaving behind the past that we have used as a crutch for so very long.

We are adults now, we make our own decisions, and we are responsible for the outcomes of those decisions as well.

So, don’t you think it’s time to move on?  I know I do :).

Be Well, and Enjoy!

Sincerely,

Mordechai

The Uncontrollable Urge To Use

JUST DON'T

When someone is an addict, they will go near and far, high and low, and to pretty much any length to get their drug of choice.

There is nothing but the back seat and a pair of hand cuffs that can stop them.

Actually, I heard a story once, from whom I considered at the time a reliable source, that there was a man on PCP (making it,dealing it, in other words, a VERY bad man), who was wanted by the cops, etc, blah, blah, blah.

So finally the cops locate his whereabouts, surround his house, hand guns, shot guns, and machine guns drawn and at the ready. So after a couple of hours the guy comes out of his house, goes directly to his car (amidst the shouts and then threats of the police) opens the door and starts it.  So, needless to say the guy pulls a gun, and the cops open fire. But the guy is so hopped up on PCP, that he gets out of his car, walks back to his house (still under fire mind you) opens the door, closes it behind him and goes back to his “using table” carrying on where he left off.

You see he was making a beer run, but since PCP makes  you feel no pain, and almost superhuman, he felt almost nothing.

In any case around 30 minutes later the police entered his house, and found him face down in his PCP and blood everywhere.

As they were to find out later, via means of an autopsy, he also had 150 rounds of ammunition in him as well.

Still. He had gone to ANY length to get his drugs, huh?

I think so.

Obviously this is an extreme case.

Still the same chemical reactions that made this man (who just in case you were curious weighed roughly 400 lbs./181.43 Kg.) have to return to his drugs at all costs, are exactly the same that make any any other addict unable to stop, no matter the cost, using their drug.

Will scientists one-day create a pill that blocks all of the receptors in the brain that enable and encourage addiction?

Perhaps, as they are already making great strides in that arena, however, continuing use, with the hope, that very soon, there will be a magic pill, is not only inane, but also potentially deadly.

Listen, if you have never done a drug, DO NOT, trust me, save yourself 20/30/40 years of suffering and just find something else that interests you from the start, no matter WHAT everyone else is doing!

If you have, than it is never too late to get help, until it is too late.

When is too late?

Let’s see; a. your liver shuts down.

You get wet drain from alcoholism.

You are a nearly brain-dead junkie in a gutter somewhere.

Ah yes, and then there is death, which would be just a bit too late.

There are programs EVERYWHERE, costly programs, inexpensive programs, free programs, AA, NA, CA.

The point is that if you want to quit than the help is available!

If you don’t, then there is really no point in having this conversation.

Why?

Because NO ONE can make an addict quit until they are ready to do so.

Good Luck to you!

Mordechai

You Never Know…

Don't even THINK about it!!!

Hello all. First, I would like t introduce everyone to our brand new theme for this blog!  The name of the theme is “Clean”, which I thought was particularly appropriate…considering 🙂

Alright, now that that’s taken care of, it is time to get down to business.

I have two nieces and a nephew, and I find myself always telling them, “Listen, don’t ever even TRY a drug, or even a SIP of alcohol, why?

Because you never know, whether that first hit will get you or not!”

And that’s the problem, you see the first cigarette I ever smoked, didn’t make me cough, it completely rang my bell!

I got completely and utterly high from that cigarette, and you know what? Even-though the high only lasted for a few seconds, it was enough to teach me that there was something in the World that could take me OUT of myself!

You see, as a kid, I was NEVER comfortable in my own skin.

I always felt different, always felt like I belonged somewhere else, always want to just disappear and never return, just so I would no longer have to deal with the total reject that I perceived myself as being.

That cigarette was my gateway drug and it led me down the road of drug abuse for many many years.

Today, B”H (thank G-d) I am sober and happy, accept myself completely, actually like and love myself in many ways, and feel at least 93-95% comfortable in my own skin 😉 lol.

But I am not the point, the point of this discussion, is the falling, of SO very many unaware people (kids, or adults), into the World of drugs and alcohol misuse and even abuse.

Yes there are people who, for the very first time, pick up a bottle of something with the intention of getting drunk, but they are still unaware of what they may be getting themselves into.

They cannot know.

Why?

Because not everyone who gets drunk, gets addicted.

There aremany studies done and some people, after their first experience with alcohol, can take it or leave it.

Some who don’t like it at all, some who like it and “might” like another glass.

And then, you have those who “MUST” have another glass.

So if you figure that one in four people (can) become addicted after their first exposure to a substance, you must understand, just how serious a problem this can potentially be!

This is why it is always the best idea to never, ever even TRY anything that could even possibly alter your mood or your mind.

Anything that makes you feel like anything other than your regular NORMAL self, should be avoided at ALL costs!

Because…

You just never know…

Mordechai

The Pros and Cons of Addiction

There really are not any pros of addiction.  If, one can call feeling spectacular during the first couple of uses, and then chasing that “amazing” high for the rest of their lives a pro, then my mistake, there you have it.

The cons of addiction? Well, that is a completely different story, and one that I could spend many months, if not years writing.

Addiction destroys you.

It takes away every thing you have.

It takes away everyone and everything that you have ever loved, or has ever loved you.  Addiction takes away your sense of humor, your good looks, your friends, family, and ultimately, if you get there before it kills you, your freedom.

Roughly 10 years ago, my nieces and nephew, and I had a very deep conversation.  I told them that drugs were “from hell”, and that they (who were 10,8, and 6 at the time) should NEVER, ever even think about trying a drug.

Why?

Well for several reasons really:

  • You never know what will happen with that first hit that you take.
  • You could die from your first hit.
  • You could immediately become an addict.
  • You could be caught, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and be hauled off to jail; guilty until proven innocent for having done nothing at all. And wind up spending an awfully long time there.

Did they hear what I said to them, and have repeated a few times since? Do they remember that I missed their childhoods, and how badly it rips my heart apart every time it even crosses my mind?

Do they know how bad I feel when I realize that, for all intents and purposes; I don’t even have 2 nieces and a nephew, because I virtually know nothing about them?

I hope to G-d not!

You know, come to think of it, there are pros to addiction, and there are many. Please allow me to tell you about a few of them.

  • As an addict, you learn how not to be so selfish.
  • As an addict you learn to love, and not only yourself.
  • As an addict, you learn how to say that you are sorry; to your mother, your father, your friends, and the Lord knows how many other people you have hurt in you life.
  • You learn remorse.
  • You learn to feel.
  • You learn to take the cotton out of your ears, and place it in your mouth.
  • You learn to cry and mean it.
  • You learn to be a successful husband, father, and son.
  • And if you’re lucky, you will get a chance to make up for the problems that you have caused.

So, are there both pros and cons to being addicted, apparently there are.

There are several methods that one can utilize to make it into the light.  If you are honest, if you find a G-d, even one of your very own understanding, and learn to put NOTHING else in front of your recovery, then you just might have a chance of success.

However, should you find getting and staying sober, just too much work for you to handle?

Then G-d willing you will find the strength one day, and until then;

We’ll be waiting 🙂

Accept Yourself – Good, Bad, and Ugly

One of the hardest things for anyone to do in their life is to accept themselves.

We all have flaws.

We all have strengths, and we all have skeletons in our closets, which even if they are not major ones, we would just as well not have them laid out in the open for the general world to know about.

Now take the good things and, the bad things multiplied by about 50, the skeletons by 500, and there you have your typical addict.

You see, there just are not that many good things about being an addict.  And aside from the beginning days, where it actually has it’s fun moments, it is mostly bad, and filled with shame, guilt, and if one is really lucky, at least a touch of remorse.

Accepting oneself is the key to everything in life.  But we were all ruined from a very young age.  Walt Disney introduced the concept of prince charming.  Obviously no such person exists, and is only a stereotype.

However, when faced with a choice between reality and the handsome strapping archetype prince, which would you choose?

Men have been duped in pretty much the same way, young starlets, super-models, Abercrombie and Fitch girls, etc.

This, my friends, is not reality.

This is masochism.

I have a philosophy that we live many lives in one lifetime.

We are presented many chances, to make many different decisions in our lives.  We live, we learn, we laugh, we lose, we gain, and we reap the glory of many moments!

Learning to accept ourselves for who we are: good, bad, and ugly, is the key to living a happy and fulfilled life.

Sure we make mistakes, but we are supposed to.

Here is an example. If someone were to set a jet engine in front of you and ask you to fix it, your gut response would probably be something to the effect of letting out a hearty laugh, gathering you things together, and getting on your way. But how come? The only reason that this task seems impossible is because nobody has ever taught you to fix a jet engine.

If you knew how, it would be easy. Or easier, depending on how many times you had performed the exercise before.

By Nature, we are not perfect. We are flawed, and we are meant to be.

We make attempts; we make mistakes, we learn from them, hopefully, carry on, and try not to make the same mistakes again.

Our noses are too big, our belly’s too fat, our I.Q.s too low, our wife’s too bitchy, our husbands too late, too lazy, and not capable of making nearly enough money to keep us living the lives that we have become accustomed to living.

So when do we get a chance at being happy. When do we get a chance to be content, and begin moving in the right direction? When we learn to accept ourselves for who we are, good, bad, and ugly.

We have skills, skills that no one else has, and, we lack as well.  We have fat butts, double chins, 6 fingers on our fight hands, bad breath, good breath, no senses of humor, great senses or humor, and myriad other positives and negatives.

Once we learn to accept ourselves, good, bad, and ugly, then we have learned to fix that jet engine once and for all 🙂

And the best part is, that we NEVER have to learn the skill again.

We are human.

We are strong.

We are weak.

We are lost and found, sane and not, redeemed, and flawed beyond words.

And we are wonderful in every way.

Except the ways in which we are not.

Accept yourself.  Accept your friends, your parents.  Learn that you are just fine, exactly as you are, and you have no reason to change at all.

Unless, of course, you want to 🙂

10 Ways to Know You’ve Hit Rock Bottom

Rock Bottom - You'll Know When You Get There

  1. You have no money.
  2. No one will lend you any money.
  3. You owe a lot of money.
  4. You have no place to live.
  5. You own parents won’t even look at you let alone talk to you.
  6. You have no friends.
  7. You have no job.
  8. You have no clothing, but those on your back.
  9. You have not showered in a month.

10. You are an outcast, everywhere.

This is a VERY, very “over-the-top” scenario, and there are, of course, many varying scenarios ranging from very-low to very-high in between.

You have had an example of an extremely “bottom-of-barrel” low, and now I will give you an example of a much less noticeable one.

  1. The bank is beginning to breathe down your neck.
  2. The only people that will still lend you money are your parents.
  3. The bills are starting to pile up.
  4. You have not paid your rent in months.
  5. Warnings are starting to come from loved ones, that, if things don’t straighten out soon, your life is about to change dramatically.
  6. Your friends are thinning out.
  7. Your boss says, one more time, one, and that’s it.
  8. Your clothes are running low.
  9. You are starting to care less and les about your appearance.

10. You re beginning to be less and less welcome wherever you go.

Whether you are attending a holistic program, or a 12 Step Based program, “your” goal, actually, is to hit a bottom.  It is – bottom line – the ONLY thing that gives you a real chance at staying sober for any real length of time.

When I first got into trouble with the law, I had still not yet hit rock bottom. I was one of the types that had to learn HARD to learn at all.

It took a huge amount of pain and suffering cause by me, to both others, and myself to finally realize that enough was enough.

I still pray daily, that I never feel the need to return to that place, and those places in my life.

I would have to say that realistically, I had to hit roughly 10 different bottoms, or what I thought at the time were bottoms, before it all made sense in my head, or at least I pray to G-d that it has.

Today I feel good, I feel centered, I feel grounded. I pray everyday, maintain a solid spiritual program, and am as rigorously honest as humanly possible.

And yet, sobriety is an extremely tentative thing.  Or at least it has been in the past for me, and many others I know.

I know that I have hit rock bottom, literally.

I know that my Higher Power has saved my life directly, and left me with, Him willing, all of both the physical and mental scars to prove it.

When one has such an accident as I did, and lives to tell the tale, with all the pain to back it up, they should be incredibly grateful. I could easily have died.

I did not.

I could easily have been partially or fully paralyzed, but was not.

And I most certainly have been maimed beyond recognition.

I was not.

You see, G-d has always known, or at least it appears He has, that if I am to be taught a lesson, that it must be in a big, loud, screamed out way.

I must never be allowed to forget, ever.

I must literally hit rock bottom!

Allowing Others Into Your Life

Abuse and Rape are two of the most common reasons that people begin to use drugs.

They can no longer handle the pain, and eventually look for a way to numb it. Trust.

Depending upon what kind of life they have had can be one of the hardest things to ever do again.

Sure they have intimacy issues but who could blame them? Right?

I have friends that were raped the first time they ever had sex, or abused by family members all their lives.

They had no idea what was going on, or what they were supposed to do. All they knew was that it was uncomfortable, and just felt wrong somehow.

Some people have tremendous courage, and immediately go to the police or to a counselor to report the person, for exactly what he or she has done to them.

Unfortunately, there are far more people who are scared into silence, and wind up carrying guilt, for something that they consider to be their fault, for years, and sometimes for a lifetime!

Years go by, and these individuals simply CANNOT take the shame and guilt any longer.  They need some kind of way to vent the pain, confusion, and frustration and they wind up turning to drugs.

One of the favorite drugs for rape or abuse victims is alcohol, because it totally removes their inhibitions, allowing them to speak feely with a friend about what really happened.

It numbs them, allowing them to feel nothing, and third, if they keep it up long enough they pass-out, and they do not remember a thing, and this, is blissful oblivion for them, by which for a few hours they can totally leave all reality behind.

Research has shown, that many rape victims become lesbians, never wanting to touch, smell, or even know that a man exists ever again.

And personally, I for one cannot blame them in the slightest. Most abuse victims wind up becoming abusers themselves. Most women who have been raped usually have one very good girlfriend, usually from childhood whom they can still trust.

They KNOW that this person would NEVER do anything to hurt them. Letting in new people, however, is an entirely different thing all together.

This is where either a 12 Step, or holistic program of some kind can be extremely helpful. They can get to know others slowly, in a very controlled, very slow-paced environment.

They can get a sponsor, preferably another woman who has been nearly through or even exactly through what they themselves have been through.  Unfortunately, there are WAY too many women who know exactly how it feels.

Now, of course, this does not deal with only rape or molestation situations. Abusive parents, sexually, verbally, to either their male or female children.  Traumas; houses burning down, family murder situations, and even simply the betrayal of a close friend with trusted information, or even being with an unfaithful partner, can lead to adult trust issues.

It is extremely difficult to allow someone to enter your inner circle after that area has been violated or betrayed.  Learning to trust again can be an extremely difficult thing.  Learning to allow people back into the “inner sanctum” of your life, can be nearly impossible.

Time heals, true, how long it takes to heal, well, that is another question all together. Still, we all need others to rely upon.  We need friends; we need people to talk to, to confide in, and to trust.

But first, we need to seek help to learn to forgive ourselves.  Once we learn to forgive, then, and only then, can we learn to forget.

How to Explain Your Addiction to Your Kids

First of all, G-d willing, by the time you have children, you are far beyond your addiction.  Most people, I suppose, have children sometime in their early to mid 20’s, have or will soon graduate university, and have realized that their partying years have come and gone and it is finally time to grow up and accept the responsibilities of life.  These individuals will, hopefully only get the standard questions, around the time that their kids hit late high school, or college age about whether or not, and perhaps how their parents partied during those same years.

This would be a relatively simple answer to a relatively simple question if the parents had stayed within acceptable limits and partied like normal late teens, early 20 some things during those years. If the parents were addicts during those years, the answer becomes a bit more complicated, but can most likely still be explained via the answer of fairly normal college stupidity.

If the parent is a still an addict by the time their kids are old enough to ask, well that, that is a different story all together.  Depending on what stage the addicted parent is at, the harder it is to explain.  If the parent is at the stage during which they still require rehab occasionally, then convincing the kids that dad/mom are at some ski resort/spa, in Colorado for 28 days, may get a little tough after awhile you know?  If the parent needs in-house treatment, well then, good luck, I suppose.  “Hey, didn’t I have a dad?” “Sure honey, but he’s in Japan for the next 3 years working as an advisor to the Prime Minister.”

Obviously keeping these types of excuses up for very long would prove extremely difficult if not impossible.  So what then, would appear to be the best way to handle discussing your addiction with your children?  To not have to explain it at all!  Namely, ending your addiction either before you have children, or, before your children reach an age where who have to explain.

Listen, everyone understands that one should be at a stable point in life before they have children.

Unfortunately life does not always work out as we plan. There are literally a dozen ways to get off of drugs.  There are 12 Step programs, Eastern medicine programs, and especially holistic programs, which I prefer by far.  Many of these other programs work quite well and if they work for you, in your time frame then by all means use them!!! In my opinion, holistic is the best because it takes into account, the entire person at once.  The “whole” addict as it were.  The holistic approach deals with mind, body, and spirit.

It also deals with the family immediately, so that there are no more secrets, no more lies.  There can be no addiction, if every channel that the addict can possibly use to get their drugs is cut off.  The family is made aware, all of the friends are made aware, doctors and therapists are all made aware, and once everyone knows, it is extremely difficult to sneak around or “Doctor Shop” to get drugs or “medications”.

My advice?  Find a good holistic doctor, and discuss everything with them.  Tell them your entire life story.  The more you tell them the better, because the more they will have to work with.

Believe me, you DO NOT want to get the point when you will need to sit down with your children and explain to them why you are (still) an active addict.  It would be one of the most difficult and most painful experiences of your live.

FAR more painful than the withdrawal of quiting!

How to Handle a Rough Day

Judy Blume, a very famous novelist, and realist once wrote – “If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, Why am I Always in the Pits?”  It has been my opinion, that I am not always in the pits, nor is life ALWAYS a bowl of cherries.  Some days are better than others, some are good and some are a little rough around the edges.  Different people, are, of course different, and handle situations differently. The woman, who lives next door, may go out, but a pint of ice cream, and bury her sorrows within.  The man who lives upstairs, may journal his night away, hoping that tomorrow will be better, if he only breathes slowly, takes a nice long hot bath, and just leaves it all behind.

Personally, I take a nice long nap, put my worries to bed for a couple of hours, and then wake; refreshed, relaxed, and rejuvenated, much more able to handle what ever that particular day has brought along with it.  A rough day means change.  If change did not bring on the rough day, then change in most certainly required in fixing it.  Most people do not like change very much.  Most people like their little bubbles where their comfort zones are, where they do not feel threatened by the outside world, and can simply relax, knowing, that no matter what, they will at the very least, be safe, and protected.

A rough day pops the bubble. Perhaps a little, perhaps a lot, but it pops that bubble nonetheless.

Look, nobody likes a rough day.  There routines are totally blown, they have to adapt, even for a while to a new way of doing things, feeling differently, reacting differently.  A rough day is a rough day. It’s not peaches and rose blossoms, it stinks, perhaps really stinks, and it truly just is what it is.

The wonderful thing about a rough day, is that there is an entire list of ways to make it better!!!

  1. Breathe – Slow down.  Count to 10.  Think to yourself, will any of this matter next week, or even tomorrow? In all likelihood, no.
  2. Why are you having a rough day?  Make a list, and number it. (Much like this).  Why? Laying things out clearly in front of you makes them MUCH easier to break down, and conquer 1 by 1.
  3. Remind yourself, that nothing is insurmountable.  That there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can’t confront and overcome.
  4. And finally, that there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING that you cannot do if you send your mind to it!

When one is cursed with the desire of addiction, having a rough day takes on an entirely different meeting.  A rough day, can lead to the day when their life ends, or, their life ends, as they knew it.  An addict, unless he or she has beat their addiction, or learned to not let it affect them, even under the worst of situations, can be derailed by a rough day. An addict without the proper “recovery toolbox” – The proper tools to say sober, is upturned quite easily.

I have seen people with 10 years of sobriety fall off of the proverbial wagon when they let enough rough days build up without dealing with them as they come.  A rough day is nothing.  EVERYBODY has them.  Most people get home, pour themselves a nice glass of wine, kick their shoes off, turn on their favorite political debate program, and let the day slowly slip away.

The addict or alcoholic, gets home, kicks off their shoes, pours a nice tall glass of diet cola and proceeds to call their sponsor, or if they are involved in a holistic program, various individuals who understand, exactly, what kind of day they have just made it through.  The rough day, the bane of any addicts recovery, but, in no way necessarily the end.

10 Ways to Know That You’ve Hit Rock Bottom

  1. You have no money.
  2. No one will lend you any money.
  3. You owe a lot of money.
  4. You have no place to live.
  5. You own parents won’t even look at you let alone talk to you.
  6. You have no friends.
  7. You have no job.
  8. You have no clothing, but those on your back.
  9. You have not showered in a month.

10. You are an outcast, everywhere.

This is a VERY, very “over-the-top” scenario, and there are, of course, many varying scenarios ranging from very-low to very-high in between.

You have had an example of an extremely “bottom-of-barrel” low, and now I will give you an example of a much less noticeable one.

  1. The bank is beginning to breathe down your neck.
  2. The only people that will still lend you money are your parents.
  3. The bills are starting to pile up.
  4. You have not paid your rent in months.
  5. Warnings are starting to come from loved ones, that, if things don’t straighten out soon, your life is about to change dramatically.
  6. Your friends are thinning out.
  7. Your boss says, one more time, one, and that’s it.
  8. Your clothes are running low.
  9. You are starting to care less and les about your appearance.

10. You re beginning to be less and less welcome wherever you go.

Whether you are attending a holistic program, or a 12 Step Based program, “your” goal, actually, is to hit a bottom.  It is – bottom line – the ONLY thing that gives you a real chance at staying sober for any real length of time.

When I first got into trouble with the law, I had still not yet hit rock bottom. I was one of the types that had to learn HARD to learn at all. It took a huge amount of pain and suffering cause by me, to both others, and myself to finally realize that enough was enough.  And I still pray daily, that I never feel the need to return to that place, and those places in my life.

I would have to say that realistically, I had to hit roughly 10 different bottoms, or what I thought at the time were bottoms, before it all made sense in my head, or at least I pray to G-d that it has.

Today I feel good, I feel centered, I feel grounded. I pray everyday, maintain a solid spiritual program, and am as rigorously honest as humanly possible.

And yet, sobriety is an extremely tentative thing.

Or at least it has been in the past for me, and many others I know.

I know that I have hit rock bottom, literally. I know that my Higher Power has saved my life directly, and left me with, Him willing, all of both the physical and mental scars to prove it.

When one has such an accident as I did, and lives to tell the tale, with all the pain to back it up, they should be incredibly grateful. I could easily have died.

I did not.

I could easily have been partially or fully paralyzed, but was not. And I most certainly have been maimed beyond recognition, but I was not.

You see, G-d has always known, or at least it appears He has, that if I am to be taught a lesson, that it must be in a big, loud, screamed out way.  I must never be allowed to forget, ever.

I must literally hit rock bottom!

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