The Uncontrollable Urge To Use

JUST DON'T

When someone is an addict, they will go near and far, high and low, and to pretty much any length to get their drug of choice.

There is nothing but the back seat and a pair of hand cuffs that can stop them.

Actually, I heard a story once, from whom I considered at the time a reliable source, that there was a man on PCP (making it,dealing it, in other words, a VERY bad man), who was wanted by the cops, etc, blah, blah, blah.

So finally the cops locate his whereabouts, surround his house, hand guns, shot guns, and machine guns drawn and at the ready. So after a couple of hours the guy comes out of his house, goes directly to his car (amidst the shouts and then threats of the police) opens the door and starts it.  So, needless to say the guy pulls a gun, and the cops open fire. But the guy is so hopped up on PCP, that he gets out of his car, walks back to his house (still under fire mind you) opens the door, closes it behind him and goes back to his “using table” carrying on where he left off.

You see he was making a beer run, but since PCP makes  you feel no pain, and almost superhuman, he felt almost nothing.

In any case around 30 minutes later the police entered his house, and found him face down in his PCP and blood everywhere.

As they were to find out later, via means of an autopsy, he also had 150 rounds of ammunition in him as well.

Still. He had gone to ANY length to get his drugs, huh?

I think so.

Obviously this is an extreme case.

Still the same chemical reactions that made this man (who just in case you were curious weighed roughly 400 lbs./181.43 Kg.) have to return to his drugs at all costs, are exactly the same that make any any other addict unable to stop, no matter the cost, using their drug.

Will scientists one-day create a pill that blocks all of the receptors in the brain that enable and encourage addiction?

Perhaps, as they are already making great strides in that arena, however, continuing use, with the hope, that very soon, there will be a magic pill, is not only inane, but also potentially deadly.

Listen, if you have never done a drug, DO NOT, trust me, save yourself 20/30/40 years of suffering and just find something else that interests you from the start, no matter WHAT everyone else is doing!

If you have, than it is never too late to get help, until it is too late.

When is too late?

Let’s see; a. your liver shuts down.

You get wet drain from alcoholism.

You are a nearly brain-dead junkie in a gutter somewhere.

Ah yes, and then there is death, which would be just a bit too late.

There are programs EVERYWHERE, costly programs, inexpensive programs, free programs, AA, NA, CA.

The point is that if you want to quit than the help is available!

If you don’t, then there is really no point in having this conversation.

Why?

Because NO ONE can make an addict quit until they are ready to do so.

Good Luck to you!

Mordechai

The Pros and Cons of Addiction

There really are not any pros of addiction.  If, one can call feeling spectacular during the first couple of uses, and then chasing that “amazing” high for the rest of their lives a pro, then my mistake, there you have it.

The cons of addiction? Well, that is a completely different story, and one that I could spend many months, if not years writing.

Addiction destroys you.

It takes away every thing you have.

It takes away everyone and everything that you have ever loved, or has ever loved you.  Addiction takes away your sense of humor, your good looks, your friends, family, and ultimately, if you get there before it kills you, your freedom.

Roughly 10 years ago, my nieces and nephew, and I had a very deep conversation.  I told them that drugs were “from hell”, and that they (who were 10,8, and 6 at the time) should NEVER, ever even think about trying a drug.

Why?

Well for several reasons really:

  • You never know what will happen with that first hit that you take.
  • You could die from your first hit.
  • You could immediately become an addict.
  • You could be caught, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and be hauled off to jail; guilty until proven innocent for having done nothing at all. And wind up spending an awfully long time there.

Did they hear what I said to them, and have repeated a few times since? Do they remember that I missed their childhoods, and how badly it rips my heart apart every time it even crosses my mind?

Do they know how bad I feel when I realize that, for all intents and purposes; I don’t even have 2 nieces and a nephew, because I virtually know nothing about them?

I hope to G-d not!

You know, come to think of it, there are pros to addiction, and there are many. Please allow me to tell you about a few of them.

  • As an addict, you learn how not to be so selfish.
  • As an addict you learn to love, and not only yourself.
  • As an addict, you learn how to say that you are sorry; to your mother, your father, your friends, and the Lord knows how many other people you have hurt in you life.
  • You learn remorse.
  • You learn to feel.
  • You learn to take the cotton out of your ears, and place it in your mouth.
  • You learn to cry and mean it.
  • You learn to be a successful husband, father, and son.
  • And if you’re lucky, you will get a chance to make up for the problems that you have caused.

So, are there both pros and cons to being addicted, apparently there are.

There are several methods that one can utilize to make it into the light.  If you are honest, if you find a G-d, even one of your very own understanding, and learn to put NOTHING else in front of your recovery, then you just might have a chance of success.

However, should you find getting and staying sober, just too much work for you to handle?

Then G-d willing you will find the strength one day, and until then;

We’ll be waiting 🙂

How To Handle a Good Day

For quite a long time, an addict does not have a good day. In fact, the addict may indeed, have forgotten what a good day even feels like.  Their life has become a desperate back and forth of “gotta-get-it, got-it, gotta-get-it, got-it”, and time, has become one giant blended mess, of using and seeking to use.

The addict, will NEVER know a good “sober” day until they are both clean, and cleaned out, over an extended period of time.  Holistic programs are in my opinion, the best and fastest way to empty out the garbage and replace the addict’s cup, with the clean person’s chalice.

Now, once an addict is clean, sober, sane, and sensible either again or for the first time, the days begin to separate, time begins to take on a form, and slowly, very slowly, the life of the addict begins to make sense, and eventually, they can begin to distinguish one day from the next.

Finally, we have come to the point, where the addict can have a good day. However, in this early, or really in any stage of recovery, a good day can turn into the WORST day of all! An addict is so familiar with being a screw-up, so used to people expecting him or her to fail, that their having a good day can quite nearly cause them (and certain of their family members) to go into anaphylactic shock on the spot.

“Hey mom, you will never guess what happened to me.  I actually had a good day today…mom?”

Seriously, active addict and good day are NOT synonymous! Once, however the addict is under control then good days may begin to flow freely.

I have been sober for quite some time. And with complete honesty I can say, that the vast majority or my days are happy ones. Today, I do not even need to consider how to handle a good day, because most of them are, however when I was in my early sobriety, even the thought of having a good day was enough to scare the life out of me.  And believe me, it did not matter, at all, what people said, how much they assured me of success, my anxiety shot right through the roof, and 98% guaranteed, by the end of the day, my sobriety had someway, somehow made it out the window!

Things did, however get better, and not even so slowly. The more meetings I went to (because those were my A.A. days) the better I felt, and I went to A LOT of meetings.  Often, I made two meetings a day.  The more quickly I emptied out the bad, the more quickly the good could come in, and so good days began rolling in rather quickly.  Perhaps too quickly, in retrospect.

In the beginning, I had not had very many good days, and therefore, had barely the slightest idea how to handle them.  Also, the beginning of anyone’s recovery is dangerous, because very quickly, they discover, much to their great relief, of course, that that actually know everything!!! Ah, sure.  And yet this is unfortunately haw most of the, feel.  So, combining good days rolling in quickly, mixed with a very early recovering addict who just happens to suddenly realize that they know everything, leaves you with an extremely (potentially) explosive situation.  This type of situation is clearly not a good one.  And if one happens to have chosen to deal with A.A. philosophy for the time being: Enter the wise and knowing Sponsor.

A good day is very scary for the newly recovering addict. However, it does get easier the longer one is sober. As I said today MOST of my days are good, and for this, I am very thankful indeed!